Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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