Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
