Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize