Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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