so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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