I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
