Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
