She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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