i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
