If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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