just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
