apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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