I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
