he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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