are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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