did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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