u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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