When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
