Dual....:-)
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
