I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she peed on how many people?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
