well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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