We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
