Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
