Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
