Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
