The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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