I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
