can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My vagina just clenched in fear
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
