nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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