She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize