im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
