Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
