oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
