I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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