so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize