I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
