I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
