Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
