Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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