He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
