i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
