I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
