24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
