got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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