Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
