Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize