Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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