you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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