TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
