I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize