he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
