I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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