Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
