apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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