why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
