Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
