My liver just broke up with me...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
