??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
