i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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