well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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