Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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