Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
