Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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