im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
