I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
