don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize