i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
