you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
