What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
