Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
