My cat gives me a boner
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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