Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
