Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
